Fathering

It is my experience that men in general are not ready for fathering until their forty second year (male menopause.) Prior to that time our psyches are almsot exclusively involved in self-improvement. I '"fathered" my first child at 21. I was so busy and ambitious at that time that I felt no intrinsic need to become deeply involved with his upbringing - so basically all I did was procreate an unplanned child. That marriage ended in an inevitable divorce. It was only in my mid-forties that I felt an emotional need to remarry and father children and pass on all the knowledge and crafts that I had learned and teach them how not to make the same mistakes I did. It might be interesting to note that traditionally among the amaZulu in Natal, until recent times, a man did not get the marriage headring until his 42nd year. Prior to that he was initiated at puberty and trained to be a bachelor lion-fighter - protector of the herds and also serve his time as a warrior against rival tribes. Only after having served his prescribed time and proved his worth as a man, did he received a portion of the tribal herds and retire from the battle field with enough wealth to buy young wives and rear children and finally have the right to his say at tribal council. It would seem to me that focused modern young businessmen and craftsmen remain biologically inclined to follow that ancient path of male development - and that young women who feel the urge to mother and discover the true depth of their own femininity, should look for a reliable marriage partner among matured men and not those still trying to discover their own potentials.

The above refers to men in general and ambitious men in particular. There are always exceptions. Men are also able to evoke powerful nurturing instincts at any age. The problem of young fathers is that they cannot raise and teach their young from direct personal experience. They have to rely solely on custom.