Idolized Self-Images

I have argued that the collective psyche
which continues to insist rebelliously
on independent self-determination
in a universal milieu that is patently inter-dependent
is still in the evolutionary process
of experiencing a teenage growth stage

teenagers need mentors
in order to idolize their own self image
initially in childhood
that should be a boy's own father
and a girl's own mother
beyond that
after puberty
in the idealized teens
we all secretly yearn to be super-beings

whom we eventually choose as the super idol
to represent our self image
defines the nature of our out-look on life
and to some extent influences our future behavior

I was orphaned early
and never had a father to lionize

In my teens I never idolized any human 
to model my self image on
no movie star
no rock star
no military general
no statesman
no scientist
admiration for their extra-ordinary achievements - yes
adoration just for being - no

I was aware of devout Christians
who idolized Jesus
i admired Jesus' message of love and peace immensely
but never felt like idolizing him
my nature is more action-orientated
Jesus was too passive
and with his long hair and dress
too effeminate for me to model on

so I grew through my childhood and  teens and my twenties
without an idolized self image to model myself on
essentially a non-being groping through the motions of survival
materially ambitious
spiritually atheistic
unaware of the affect of my life and deeds on Cosmic Consciousness
or that I had an obligation to enhance it

Then
in my early 30's
the Cosmos reached out
called my name
and woke up my spirit

all of a sudden
I was emotionally reborn
and found myself back to being 9 years old again
the year my father was killed
that is when I began searching for a personal idol
to model myself on

I knew it would have to be a super-natural hero

I discovered Krishna in the Hindu Vedas
and became enamored with yoga for several years
but again
found Krishna too effeminate for me

I discovered the Buddha
entered a Zen monastery for deeper comprehension
but found the Buddha too nihilistic
too detached from the meat of action
for my liking

I studied Islam
worshiped in mosques
but could not relate to Mohammed
too intellectual
too analytical

Then
going all the way back to into mythology
I found my hero
the personalized God 
whom I wanted to model myself on
His name is
Atlas